I'm so sad right. Too sad to almost do anything. A week ago my cat Shadow seem to be coming down with something. I shurgged off thinking it was just a cold. plus it wasn't the first time he has had a cold. and I thought he would get better but he didn't. this cold of his just seemed to get worse by the day. Eventually he stopped eating. This worried me and I ended up taking him to the vet to see what was wrong with. *CRies in RL* they told me he was slowly dying cuz he has feline leukimia and feline AIDS. They said if it was really bad that they would have to put him down. luckily his body isn't bad and that his kiddney was in great shape so he could recover from this leukimia cold he has. even tho they can't cure both of his illiness. he can break out of the cold. the also gave me meds for him to make him feel better. *still crying* it's been 2 days since we visited the Vet and he still hasn't gotten any better. and just to think that he's slowly dying hurts me alot to see the cat that I'm so close to is dying. I cry everyday now. I've had many cats before him but shadow was the one i was the closet with. He was different from other cats that I had. Shadow loves everybody and he was never mean or bit at anyone. He never even bit me. Even though I know he didn't understand me but I talked to him when I felt sad and he would just cuddle against me and it would make me feel better. He is so carefree. It was almost like he was his own person which is what I love about him. He also hits his body against my door so I can open it so he can sleep with me. He is nothing like my other cats before him. *cries* Even now as he sick he still comes to me and comes to my door as weak as he is. he tries to be himself but he can't. I don't wanna see him go. This very hard for me. I just keep thinking about the past and that when his day does come how much I'm gonna miss him. My dad said that we can get another pet when we lose Shadow. But I don't really want another pet. I want Shadow. I want Shadow to live and be himself again. I'm in so much emotional pain right now. I can't really think about anything else but him. I just hope he knows that I love him alot and I'm gonna miss him. I miss him already *cries*

*UPDATE* yesterday when I typed this journal Shadow died in front of me hours after I typed this. He died painfully it seemed and I felt so helpless. I just kept petting him even when he was in pain To let him know that I cared and Loved him. I was the last person he saw. The images of him dying are clouding my good memories of him. I went to sleep without him trying to open my door. I can't believe he's gone. It's almost as If still feel him near me and I can swear I hear him too. I really can't look at another cat right now. to ease the pain my dad is getting me and my brother a puppy or a kitten. Even tho I'm getting a new pet I still want Shadow. I know no matter what I get the kitten or the puppy they will never be like Shadow. I never been so close to a animal before beside my pet duck, Speedy (who dissapeared) but even then I didn't watch Speedy die. I'm trying to be myself without getting depressed. One thing I am glad about is that where ever Shadow is now he's not suffering anymore and that he's going to a good place because he was a loving cat and friend. Thinking it in that way doesn't make me feel as sad. Rest In Peace Shadow. I will always love you forever and never will forget you.


Clubs that I am in -_-